The Better YOU

Nearly 8 days, since I came to Kudal! I looked forward to this vacation to read all the things and chapters I couldn't read because of the part exams - Cutaneous nerve distribution, Hematology. I imagined myself burning the midnight oil and Aai making me cups of coffee, the same way I studied in 10th. But back then, I was a completely different ME! The reason I studied then and the reason I study now is completely different. And every morning as I manage to start my days as late as possible, today I surprised myself by saying Good Morning to the day when it actually had already become a Good Afternoon. Rather a bad one, actually. And though I tried to convince myself to feel happy about it as I won't get such sleeps again as college starts, I knew I was cursing myself for utter waste of time. Firstly, it is proved that 6-7 hours of sleep is only what is required for brain and that more than it just makes brain more sloppy and slow and secondly, Benjamin Franklin with his words of advice keeps freaking me out when I try to pull up that blanket again - Sleep is a waste of time. You shall have enough of it once you DIE!
AND ALL THIS IS MAKING ME FEEL TERRIBLY DEPRESSED!

Its not new for me though. I have observed that in everybody's lives you have crests and troughs, just like waves. For your performances, happiness, satisfaction... Everything. You shine and manage to surprise yourself by achieving brilliance! Which you yourself hadn't thought about and then you also sometimes feel suicidal when nothing goes your way or the way you plan. We have days where we go to bed imagining that life just can't be better than this and then there are days when you think why did you at all come to this world! You have moments of celebrations and moments of grieving! I don't know if you are able to connect to what I am saying here, but if you are not, you might find this entire article just boring philosophical out-pour from my heart!
But as a matter of fact, we actually don't understand the value of happiness or for that matter any given darn situation in life, unless we fall in a deeper pit. Its then when we really understand that what we had, was something which was really beautiful and enjoyable. As my friend Shrikant would say - You understand the value of something in your life only when you lose it. Even Kunti, mother of Pandavas asked for sorrows and difficulties, in her blessings from Krishna. When I was small I thought that the woman was psychotic to ask all this, just so that she could understand the beauty of surrendering to God in times of trouble, but now I really understand what she meant. And its in such times that even I get such kinds of philosophical bouts.
Now its not that I am having a nervous breakdown or anything. But after a certain period of being unsatisfied with myself I usually seek some motivation from my Gurus as such. Baba, Haresh Sir, Gauri Tai or just chat with Vivek or Mihir. But I have always known that the external motivation is just time being and what you really need, is boost ups from your own guts! I maintained tradition of sending SMSes to myself in times of distress and spoke to myself some words of advice from an elderly, third person's views. You always know the answer out, you always know what is right. But the correct way always is a difficult decision or something REALLY courageous, to be done.
The way we are brought up and everything good that we know in this world, always acts as the guiding compass when you are caught up in a storm. But we always tend to hide away the compass and prefer to not make any decision, rather the right decision and hence sink our own ship. Its always US and OUR decisions and thoughts that really make any difference to our life, irrespective of others'. What is important is just to seek advice from THAT YOU in You. The all-knowing, all pervading indestructible part of Right in you - what some call the Almighty or the Adwait concept of God.
So I thought of writing something like this, which I can read again when I need guidance from ME. I always know what is really good and correct for me, irrespective of what my parents, friends or teachers think. But its important to consciously and voluntarily open up to that lighthouse in you and just not close your eyes. So I thought of writing the thoughts of that ME in me.
(Considering this as an advice from HIM, I have used distinct pronouns)

Dear Sujay,
As you sit here, writing all that I tell you, its the first mistake that you make by wasting all the time typing the thoughts which would come and go in your mind as a blizzard. I wonder if you go on posting this to your blog really for you to read again or for people to know 'how philosophically matured' you THINK you are. Life is too simple and you make it very complicated by bringing in perspectives about YOU, that people might have and THAT is the root cause of everything. I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
First thing that you lack is self motivation. Its Me in you who is always there to guide you but you always turn a deaf ear even when your conscience is shouting out. You do it, when I try to prohibit you from wasting time on Facebook, you do it when I tell you to not think about what people in college - teachers, seniors and colleagues - think about you. The burning passion for medicine that you have in your heart is gonna die out if you don't pour the oil of hard work in it. It probably is the undeserving success that you think you have temporarily got in college after scoring good in 2 useless part exams. Yes I agree that your sincerity in listening to teachers with rapt attention is what mostly helps you, but not reading any further is gonna take you in a deeper shit where you would become helpless - a casual.
You keep convincing yourself that you study to know more, and not for marks. But just think if you are trying to run away from the fact that its marks, that will really check your deep knowledge. As Baba says, when you play a game, you have to play by the rules of it. Just cursing the education system is going to take you nowhere.
To keep going, to keep fighting you should clearly visualize your path and destination. Your ambition and your dreams are the only thing which should matter to you the most. All the distractions are nothing but temporary unproductive mirages which you must learn to distinguish from reality!
Pablo Picasso once said - Action is the foundational key to all success. And the most foolish thing to do is to not open the door when you own the key. Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. As Aajoba always says - To constantly analyze what you do and to counter check it against what you SHOULD do, as directed by your conscience is finally nothing but the way to achieving your goal.
Lastly, as I take leave, I just would like to tell you... I am always here for you when you will need me. Just make sure that you keep your mind open to my suggestions.
Stay Hungry,
Stay Foolish.

Yours Sincerely...
The Better YOU

BECOMING a Medico

You are out of that CET world, you walk the corridors of an INSTITUTION having its own culture, achievements and glories... You are smiled at, by your seniors and you just like to roam around in the college wearing that apron... That feeling, when you are asked about directions to a specific ward no. 24 by a poor confused patient, and in spite of having shrugged your shoulders, you still manage to be happy and elated 'coz someone called you a DOC!! Gosh!! Man, you are in a medical college!!! :)
3 months nearly of being a 'Proud Sionite', and I am back home, Kudal, for my Diwali vacation which is indeed nothing but just a preparatory leave, given that our exams start soon after it ends. But nonetheless, you still manage to feel majestic to even show off the huge bags you carry filled with more books and less clothes. Sigh, just that there was no space for Gray's!! (believe me, its a HUGE HUGE Anatomy book). Imagine, opening that in the train, just giving the seat-mate granny a mild M.I. Hihi :P ... But jokes apart, 3 months, just 3 months and there's SOOOOO much to write about.
1st Aug we kick off the day with Dean's address where they give us a warm welcome to the huge family, followed by a tour of entire college by our seniors. The next day we have Ice Breaking by seniors for all of us to know each other better. Yeah, much needed when you are sharing benches with a small Bihari and a huge Punjabi. Man, you feel weird and over-conscious that all these people you are sharing benches with are actually the toppers from their respective places and you are just afraid that you are gonna get your ass kicked surely in the competition. You keep judging everybody carefully, wondering what could be your comfort zone of people. That's really a difficult part, but it passes soon and you start enjoying with everyone as if you all have been chaddi buddies! And the strong anti-ragging council of Lokmanya Tilak Municipal Medical College (L.T.M.M.C) makes it sure that there's not even an R heard from it. But given the fact that all our seniors are just uber cool and pure fantabulous, we all enjoyed the silly "Betty Butter Bought some Butter..." kinda games with all other possible words starting from "B" ( ;) my batchmates might know what I mean :P)
And then start the subject teaching! Gawdddd... Anatomy, Physiology and Biochemistry! Anatomy with all her sister subjects becomes just ever increasing huge Ocean of knowledge. The amazing logical stimulation by Physio (my personal fav) and Biochem with harldy any time spared from the day stays unread. Much awaited Anat dissections are the best part of all the learning. And what I enjoy the most is that you are in the college the entire day, being bombarded with some sort of information or the other, but yet you manage to not feel tired by it and rather enjoy it. That's maybe because we will be having its direct application further clinically. Sigh, I'm boring myself writing all this.
I decided to not commit my CET mistake of just being a bookworm and hence started singing classes and have joined a gym - Talwalkars. I have already learnt 4 Ragas and performed 2 songs in a small show in the college on Ganeshotsav occasion. I am maintaining (trying rather to) the AMAZINGLY STRICT Diet given to me by the Nutritionist at the gym to help me shed the extra kilos and turn into something fitter if not a macho! Boy, we'll surely require some Biceps to move around the stretchers next year in the wards if they want us to be the wardboys! (that's what I've heard).
Its fun to try and fill up your tummy with loads of healthy veggies and fruits, ordering Sandwiches without potatoes and butter. Given the fact that we survive these days with lunch in college canteen with something just to prevent us from fainting in the practicals, I am way too much enjoying even the simple Radish sabji made by Aai for lunch. Geez I am gonna completely screw up all my diet effort of last month.
Er, right now, I don't even know what I should write. In fact I didn't have anything specifically on my mind to write about. I usually have a good opening and end for post already made in mind, but right now I'm just typing anything and everything, hence all the weird randomness of the topic. I just thought that this point in life, NOT life as such, but you know the medical career might be an important point where I would like to archive all my FIRST feelings of doing this and that.
I am trying to be much sincere in college. Listening with rapt attention and controlling myself from cracking jokes no matter however strong the instinct. I am actually trying to curb my last bencher's attitude by purposely grabbing a seat, staring at the prof. But given the fact that our (most of the) Professors are just too too too good, it is taken care that you don't doze off with a lullaby. I am trying to know all the 99 people of my batch with their first names and its actually becoming much of a task! I am trying to know my seniors better, as its important and all, firstly. (but secondly, given the dearth of pretty faces in our batch its lot more thirst quenching :P).
Hahaha, and its just yesterday that I went for dinner with Baba's friends and when asked about a specific Haematology doubt, the answer that I got was another question - How many gorgeous girls I have in my college and how many of them I actually have complimented? I told them that I did compliment one for her superbly visible Sternocleidomastoid, they wanted to specifically know about Pectoralis and Gluteus! :D.
The fact that I really read the books I brought home is what actually nauseated them, haha! Geez, convincing them that I don't study JUST to pass the exams was really a Herculean task.We already had 2 part exams which I surprisingly topped (both of them), although I firmly believe that I didn't deserve to even pass the 2nd, given my haphazard preparation.
As Aai sits here, reading what I am typing, its kinda awkward to type all this, (I don't think she knows those muscles) but heck everybody tried to convince my parents that medicine is actually meant to work hard and party harder... Well, the Party part actually sunk deep into me. ;) So I whiled away the entire day today not doing anything much specifically and I am damn sure that my 1st terminal itself is going to be something I won't actually be expecting.

The worst part is, that you look forward to this vacation with huge hopes of completely shoving off all that huge accumulated pile of To-Be-Done work and actually end up wasting it in not so productive or enjoyable activities.. The worst and the most frustrating part.. Sigh. I am just drifting off way too much into randomness. I should just go and give my cerebral cortex the much needed rest after all the PLANNING about studying! Well, it is actually a tiring job! Now all that remains is the Really studying part. (Haah, Aai read that 'awkward' part I just wrote above and gave me a tap on my shoulder and smiled. Now with my 18th birthday soon approaching I am excited about legally being an adult at last. Damn, I've become completely shameless already)

At last this turns out to be quite a boring post, but geez I completed it somehow 'coz I felt some kind of binding responsibility of posting at this moment.

P. S. I keep checking my Blog stats and always there are many new people checking it out with redirections from varied keywords and I wonder what they come to see. But whatever the reason, its nice to know that someone even from Canada also reads all the crap I write. Haha :D