The Better YOU

Nearly 8 days, since I came to Kudal! I looked forward to this vacation to read all the things and chapters I couldn't read because of the part exams - Cutaneous nerve distribution, Hematology. I imagined myself burning the midnight oil and Aai making me cups of coffee, the same way I studied in 10th. But back then, I was a completely different ME! The reason I studied then and the reason I study now is completely different. And every morning as I manage to start my days as late as possible, today I surprised myself by saying Good Morning to the day when it actually had already become a Good Afternoon. Rather a bad one, actually. And though I tried to convince myself to feel happy about it as I won't get such sleeps again as college starts, I knew I was cursing myself for utter waste of time. Firstly, it is proved that 6-7 hours of sleep is only what is required for brain and that more than it just makes brain more sloppy and slow and secondly, Benjamin Franklin with his words of advice keeps freaking me out when I try to pull up that blanket again - Sleep is a waste of time. You shall have enough of it once you DIE!
AND ALL THIS IS MAKING ME FEEL TERRIBLY DEPRESSED!

Its not new for me though. I have observed that in everybody's lives you have crests and troughs, just like waves. For your performances, happiness, satisfaction... Everything. You shine and manage to surprise yourself by achieving brilliance! Which you yourself hadn't thought about and then you also sometimes feel suicidal when nothing goes your way or the way you plan. We have days where we go to bed imagining that life just can't be better than this and then there are days when you think why did you at all come to this world! You have moments of celebrations and moments of grieving! I don't know if you are able to connect to what I am saying here, but if you are not, you might find this entire article just boring philosophical out-pour from my heart!
But as a matter of fact, we actually don't understand the value of happiness or for that matter any given darn situation in life, unless we fall in a deeper pit. Its then when we really understand that what we had, was something which was really beautiful and enjoyable. As my friend Shrikant would say - You understand the value of something in your life only when you lose it. Even Kunti, mother of Pandavas asked for sorrows and difficulties, in her blessings from Krishna. When I was small I thought that the woman was psychotic to ask all this, just so that she could understand the beauty of surrendering to God in times of trouble, but now I really understand what she meant. And its in such times that even I get such kinds of philosophical bouts.
Now its not that I am having a nervous breakdown or anything. But after a certain period of being unsatisfied with myself I usually seek some motivation from my Gurus as such. Baba, Haresh Sir, Gauri Tai or just chat with Vivek or Mihir. But I have always known that the external motivation is just time being and what you really need, is boost ups from your own guts! I maintained tradition of sending SMSes to myself in times of distress and spoke to myself some words of advice from an elderly, third person's views. You always know the answer out, you always know what is right. But the correct way always is a difficult decision or something REALLY courageous, to be done.
The way we are brought up and everything good that we know in this world, always acts as the guiding compass when you are caught up in a storm. But we always tend to hide away the compass and prefer to not make any decision, rather the right decision and hence sink our own ship. Its always US and OUR decisions and thoughts that really make any difference to our life, irrespective of others'. What is important is just to seek advice from THAT YOU in You. The all-knowing, all pervading indestructible part of Right in you - what some call the Almighty or the Adwait concept of God.
So I thought of writing something like this, which I can read again when I need guidance from ME. I always know what is really good and correct for me, irrespective of what my parents, friends or teachers think. But its important to consciously and voluntarily open up to that lighthouse in you and just not close your eyes. So I thought of writing the thoughts of that ME in me.
(Considering this as an advice from HIM, I have used distinct pronouns)

Dear Sujay,
As you sit here, writing all that I tell you, its the first mistake that you make by wasting all the time typing the thoughts which would come and go in your mind as a blizzard. I wonder if you go on posting this to your blog really for you to read again or for people to know 'how philosophically matured' you THINK you are. Life is too simple and you make it very complicated by bringing in perspectives about YOU, that people might have and THAT is the root cause of everything. I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
First thing that you lack is self motivation. Its Me in you who is always there to guide you but you always turn a deaf ear even when your conscience is shouting out. You do it, when I try to prohibit you from wasting time on Facebook, you do it when I tell you to not think about what people in college - teachers, seniors and colleagues - think about you. The burning passion for medicine that you have in your heart is gonna die out if you don't pour the oil of hard work in it. It probably is the undeserving success that you think you have temporarily got in college after scoring good in 2 useless part exams. Yes I agree that your sincerity in listening to teachers with rapt attention is what mostly helps you, but not reading any further is gonna take you in a deeper shit where you would become helpless - a casual.
You keep convincing yourself that you study to know more, and not for marks. But just think if you are trying to run away from the fact that its marks, that will really check your deep knowledge. As Baba says, when you play a game, you have to play by the rules of it. Just cursing the education system is going to take you nowhere.
To keep going, to keep fighting you should clearly visualize your path and destination. Your ambition and your dreams are the only thing which should matter to you the most. All the distractions are nothing but temporary unproductive mirages which you must learn to distinguish from reality!
Pablo Picasso once said - Action is the foundational key to all success. And the most foolish thing to do is to not open the door when you own the key. Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. As Aajoba always says - To constantly analyze what you do and to counter check it against what you SHOULD do, as directed by your conscience is finally nothing but the way to achieving your goal.
Lastly, as I take leave, I just would like to tell you... I am always here for you when you will need me. Just make sure that you keep your mind open to my suggestions.
Stay Hungry,
Stay Foolish.

Yours Sincerely...
The Better YOU