BANG BANG BANG...

13th June, as I stood brushing my teeth I was counting hours till midnight. Remembering the day I brushed my teeth on 12th May, I wondered if it was the same heart rate again where you could feel the blood flow even in the fingers holding the brush. Every passing hour, I reduced the count on the board where during the past 2 years, we used to write DAYS TO CET. It now read - HOURS TO RESULT.
We reached Kasturi's place at 11.00pm, thinking that if they at all somehow decide to prepone it, even by few minutes, we shouldn't be missing anything. All I remember is, the arguments then with Vivek and Kasturi as to who should be the one first checking out the result. :D We kept refreshing the page, as we now counted minutes to 12 o' clock. And then as I hit refresh again, the "Results will be declared at 12.00am on 14th June" window disappeared... It was 14th June...
As per our agreement it was going to be Kasturi who kept praying to God that she shouldn't be going below 180. She entered her roll no. and birth date and there it was. 184, rank 127... We all burst in cheers while Kasturi in tears... Screaming out "KEM is gone, KEM is gone". While everybody else tried to console her, I hurriedly entered my roll no. and dhaaammm...
P 47
C 44
B 92
Total 183
SMR 157
I felt a sense of joy, of this time not being beaten by the Marking Mistakes demon, and I gave out a silent YAY... Everybody put on their HAPPY masks but I knew what everybody was thinking (including Aai and Baba), "KEM is gone, KEM is gone".
As Vivek silently punched the hard keys of Kasturi's keyboard, I just prayed to God that he shouldn't be having any bad luck debacle (as he did once in a prelim. Getting marks, different from the expected score.) I also secretly wished that he shouldn't be far ahead of me if he were to score more. And there it was - 183, rank 151.
There was silence. Complete silence. Except for Kasturi's hyperactive brother Vedant. As everybody wondered what they should be feeling, saying and doing, there was lots going on in the frontal lobe of our cerebrums. Whether to be happy that we were in top 200 and easily getting into 2nd best medical college or whether to be sad that our dream wasn't fulfilled. Whether to call people - professors and friends - to tell and ask marks or whether to just go home, switch off the phones and worthlessly try to jump into REM of sleep. Celebrate or mourn? But by God's blessings, this period of awkward looks being given to each other and trying to pull apart lips so as to resemble an expression called smile, was relieved by the loud TRING of Kasturi's phone. People started calling up to tell and ask marks. As Aai went on writing everybody's marks as they called, the moments were filled by SHITs and YAYs as some scored more, while others scored less than us (I hope you can guess that the word - RESPECTIVELY - is missing ;) ) Then, somehow our faces brightened up on having known that MOST of the people were going to join us, which brought REAL smiles to our faces.
As we walked to reach home, I knew what Baba was feeling. I just yet hoped that he would come near, put his arm around my shoulder and say that he was proud to have me as his son. That did not happen though. I guess he was walking much behind us to do that. Had he been with us, maybe...
And in my life, for the first time ever, I could taste - FAILURE.
Climbing up the stairs (even though we had an elevator) Prabhu sir's phone call and knowing the result, Parasmita getting SMR (state merit rank) 2, and his "I TOLD YOU" kind of tone just made the taste of it, further more bitter.
Lying down on beds, at 3 am, Baba finally spoke to me, since the result was declared. "I am happy :). You will be getting into medicine without any problems. Having known many cases who couldn't, this is really good achievement. We are proud. It’s just that... Leave it, we'll talk tomorrow. Sleep now, it’s late already." Sigh, however I knew that tonight I just had to give some company to the lonely ceiling fan...
As sun dawned on 14th of June, we regretted not having fully charged our cell phones. With all the phones ringing together, with people wanting to wish us for our "SUCCESS", somehow we got the feeling that it was not SO bad actually. And it was confirmed when Baba could really smile. Maybe it was his friends and colleagues calling him up and telling him that he was really a proud father, which brought a sense of satisfaction and calm in him. I don't know about celebrations but we surely weren't mourning any more. The days since then were filled with juniors calling up for advice regarding study patterns and playing Age of Mythology and Call of Duty like addicts. Prabhu sir called us and told us everything about colleges and admission process. And his Party was all that we were looking up to. Getting over the sense of inhibition to perform something, we decided to dance to Ainvayi Ainvayi and an entirely guys dance on Sheila. The rehearsals and planning and reporting Prabhu sir, the party stuff was really an amazing experience.
It was a blast; the party was a blast... And somehow I could see people being much much impressed by the fact that the guy reading Zemansky could even dance :P.
Again, as sir called me up for the award ceremony, while handing out the trophy to me he said, "This was the guy who studied because he loved to, not for marks. When I taught Cardio in class, he watched open heart surgery videos on YouTube and asked me doubts regarding it. Only 10% of what he studied was related to CET. And he was the only one who had the caliber to score 200/200." As everybody clapped with awe and wonder, I just somehow squinted to see Baba (who, along with Aai, had all the way come that day from Kudal, just for the party), wondering if tonight I could get his hug.

After that, the sleepovers with Mihir and Shrikant, discussions regarding theory of relativity, genetic science behind infatuations and all the arguments regarding the happening babes in our tuitions, was the thing that gave me finally the feeling that yes, CET was done! The admission process will start on 4th July and then one month later we will really be doctors.
As I stood in Ghangurde sir's classes, where he invited us to "GUIDE" the juniors, we were bombarded by all the questions that we had in our minds when we were in those shoes. As I bid good bye to the last batch that evening and left the room, I happened to see the mark list being displayed. Somehow, that moment, Baba's words seemed to ring in my ears...

"You get what you deserve and

You deserve what you get..."

Amen